SPORTS NEWS

Football
Rymans League Division One
Champion Hill Stadium, East Dulwich

Dulwich Hamlet FC 0 – 0 Dover Athletic

TUPNews recently visited Champion Hill to watch Dulwich Hamlet FC take on Dover Athletic. As two of my housemates are longtime Dover Athletic fans, the match had special import.

The first half was all sound and fury, signifying nothing – knee-high tackles flew as the two sides fought a war of attrition in the midfield, but with nary a shot on goal the whole half. A scrappy game of non-league football on a bitterly cold January afternoon – TUPNews was in heaven. There was even a good old-fashioned 22-man fight at one point. Every unfair assumption you might have about the city of Dover is reflected in their football club – basically eleven white skinheads who play like a prison side. This makes for very entertaining football.

During the first half, TUPNews overheard one spectator explain that Peter Crouch, now of Liverpool and England, had once donned the pink-and-blue of Dulwich Hamlet while on a month’s loan from Tottenham. He was shit, the team were shit, and they were relegated that year.

At half time the sizeable Dover away support (over seventy) switched ends, and TUPNews retired to the club bar to check what delights the magic of the FA Cup had delivered in the third round. Everton trailed one-nil at the Den, while Manchester City were a goal down, at home, to Scunthorpe. Furnished with drinks and dry roasted, TUPNews’ companions elected to stay warm indoors for the second half, and take advantage of the elevated, panoramic view of the pitch the bar affords.

Dulwich started to look a bit more likely in the second half, stringing together some passes and putting pressure on the Dover back four. The visitors continued to play like animals, and the somewhat erratic referee finally dished out a second yellow for the Dover captain, who threw his armband at the referee in disgust.

Sensing a Dulwich victory, TUPNews persuaded colleagues to venture out into the cold for the last quarter hour, for the atmosphere. Of course, 10-man Dover simply went into pure defensive mode, and Dulwich were unable to bag a late winner.

My decision to return to the stands, however, was vindicated by what happened at the final whistle. Dover fans rushed to the tunnel to scream abuse at our players and the referee, as is their wont. Dulwich striker Charley Side took exception to being called a “cunt” and smacked a Dover fan across the face. Within seconds a full-scale brawl had erupted, involving players and officials of both teams and a few Dover fans for good measure. We ran down to the bit of the stands overlooking the tunnel and had a spectacular bird’s-eye view of proceedings. It ran on for five or so minutes, and was quite simply the funniest thing I have ever seen at a football match.



Spectators at the recent Dulwich Hamlet match. TUPNews visible in the top right corner. Photo from www.onionbagblog.com, which also covered this match.