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Now that oil prices are receding, the hot pseudo-controversial opinion at London dinner parties is “nuclear, that’s the only answer.” Cue shrieks from lefty females and patronising lesser-of-two-evils, if-it’s-good-enough-for-the-French chat from Decent Leftists. The TUPNews reader, however, will keep his counsel until the argument is spent. Then he will stun all into silence by announcing that the future is, in fact, coal.

Coal? Arthur Scargill? Ken Loach? The Falklands War? Chimney sweeps? Dinosaur industry?

Half of all European electricity is generated by coal-fired plants. Unlike oil, there is still shitloads of the stuff left in the ground. The problem has always been that coal is awful in terms of carbon dioxide emissions, which is currently bothering big energy chiefs and Joe Sixpack alike.

Clean coal technology has come on leaps and bounds, however. It is now possible, through use of science, to burn coal in a way that emits roughly the same CO2 as natural gas – a reduction of 50-70%. The FutureGen project in the US, meanwhile, will potentially allow for a zero-emissions coal-fired plant.

As with all new technology, the main problem at the moment is the vast amount of capital required to build these new types of plants. But once the economies of scale are in place, clean coal is well positioned to be the energy source of choice for the 21st century.

OK, so you’ve shut up the nuclear alpha males. That still leaves the left-leaning maidens to impress, and they sure as hell aren’t going to be impressed by a coal enthusiast. Here’s where you bring the eco-charm – courtesy of your new best friend, the jatropha tree.

The jatropha tree was, until recently, a useless piece of shit whose only remarkable quality was its ability to thrive in the most godawful, desiccated climates known to man. It produced nothing of any use to anyone. But crops such as the jatropha tree are perfect for converting into biofuel, which you can run cars on. Biofuel is already being blended into the gasoline as we speak, in time it could replace oil as the transport fuel of choice. Best of all, it means that people who live in godawful places can now become jatropha tree farmers and make bare cash.

So there you are – an even more controversial opinion than nuclear, and an opinion with “bio” in it that also saves the world’s poor. Advantage TUPNews reader.