SPORTS NEWS

Cricket

Twenty20Cup
Group game

Sussex Sharks bt Surrey Brown Caps by 5 runs

Last night TUPNews visited the Oval, in South London, to watch a spot of cricket.

Despite the threat of rain, I was awfully excited. My last visit to the Oval was three years ago, where I watched Andrew Flintoff, then approaching the peak of his ability, put fifty past a hapless West Indies touring side. It was a beautiful summery day, and the start of my conversion to our national sport: a conversion completed by England’s defeat of Australia in the 2005 Ashes series, a magnificent summer for which I already feel nostalgia.

In looking to foster my newfound love of cricket through participation in the county game, however, I was frustrated. My obvious home ground is The Oval: a fifteen-minute bus journey from my home in South London. I like where I live and would happily support the South London team.

The Oval, however, is the home of Surrey Cricket Club. A fine institution no doubt, but I have never thought of Brixton as being part of Surrey. To me, Surrey is a far away county of which I know nothing – I cannot see myself getting behind the Surrey boys. Equally, the county structure means that I automatically owe my allegiance to Somerset, land of my youth. But Somerset CC play at Taunton, some five hours by train. Factor in the baffling and sub-optimal structure of the league system, and county cricket is looking like a non-starter.

I was attending this match simply because a friend had a spare ticket for an office-organised day out. My friend works for one of the many secretive arms of the government charged with protecting us from the threat of terrorism, and as such I was surprised to see so many of them in the same place at the same time. His stories of incompetence and corruption in his corner of Whitehall do not inspire sound sleep, and I will not repeat them here. I did, however, meet a Detective Constable of the Metropolitan Police, who is stationed in my own borough of Southwark. He is soon to move into the burglary division, and let me in on a delicious little scam known in the trade as TIC, or Taken Into Consideration.

TIC works like this: thanks to the current government’s obsession with the meeting of targets, police are looking at novel ways to solve more crimes. One way is to take an imprisoned burglar out for the day: “Buy him a nice lunch, let him see his mum, maybe even let him boff the missus,” as my new friend explained. Then, during a post-prandial, post-coital leisurely drive around his old stomping ground, the con will suddenly start admitting to all kinds of previously unsolved burglaries. Which is great for the Met, of course, as the solved crimes target box gets ticked.

“Some of the stuff they come out with is ridiculous,” the detective said, even though the prisoners are usually briefed, sans brief, on which jobs to cop to. “’I done that whole hotel!’ Really? Don’t you mean that house over there? ‘Yes, guv.’” Or they admit to crimes that were committed while they were still inside.

Surely, I asked, the prisoners would be reticent, given that admitting more crimes could add to their sentence?

“Are you kidding?” he laughed. “That’s the best bit – the more they admit to, the more gets taken off!”

It’s simply not cricket, but even as a taxpayer, I couldn’t help but find this funny.

The game had been scheduled to begin at half five; with the skies still dark grey at half seven, we were just about ready to give up and go home. Economics came to the rescue: ten overs must be played to prevent the issuance of refunds, so the two teams were more or less shooed onto the pitch to bowl five overs apiece. The conditions were comical, but the players managed to put on a good show for the now inebriated die-hards: several sixes and clean-bowled wickets, a hairline run-out decision, some comedy misfielding. We requested several times that Sussex player Rana Naved give us a wave; eventually he did. Sussex set a tough target of 65 and Surrey, despite leading their group in the Twenty20 competition, were unable to match it.

We left buoyed and a little drunk, and I had a change of heart about the county game. The Oval is a unique and charming ground, and I simply want to be a part of it. Even without any cricket being played, we had had a fine old time, chatting and drinking reasonably priced beer. A major bookmaker had even helpfully set up a mobile betting shop, so I was able to fritter away cash on the dogs while we waited for the skies to clear. While I still cannot see myself as a fan of Surrey CC, I resolved that I would become a fan of “cricket at the Oval”, and spend long summer weekends indiscriminately applauding fine play.