SPORTS NEWS

Football
La Liga (Spain)
Espanyol 1 – 0 Real Madrid

TUPNews watched this last night in the hope of seeing some Harlem Globetrotter-esque heroics from Robinho. The little man was unforthcoming; however I can report that David Beckham, captain of the England football team, played an absolute blinder. Some commentators have suggested he’s past it: not on the basis of last night’s performance.

TUPNews recommends that either Sofia Coppola or Wes Anderson make a film based on an aging footballer playing in a foreign country, living in a mansion with his faded popstar wife.

Football
Championship (England)
Derby 2 – 2 Southampton

Derby’s Senegalese midfielder Khalilou Fadiga, on loan from Bolton, played a blinder in this match. TUPNews can report that it’s amazing how many foreign players there are in the Championship.

Football
Premiership (England)
Liverpool 0 – 0 Manchester United

This was a good match despite the scoreline. Luis Garcia was shite for Liverpool. TUPNews hates the following Manchester United personnel: Roy Keane, Ruud van Nistelroy, Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney, Alan Smith, Alex Ferguson.