SPORTS NEWS

Baseball
Japanese League

Hanshin Tigers 5 – 1 Yomiuri Giants

TUPNews was walking through Trafalgar Square at around half seven last night when I came across a group of about forty Japanese chanting and singing outside the National Gallery. The square was otherwise deserted. I immediately assumed it was a Falun Gong demonstration; however as I drew closer I saw that it was in fact a crowd of Hanshin Tigers fans celebrating their team’s 5-1 victory over the Tokyo-based Yomiuri Giants. With this win, the Hanshin Tigers have clinched the Central League pennant, their second in three years. There were about twelve fans in full regalia holding a long banner and cheering for a Japanese TV crew, while the rest looked on and applauded. The fans also released Hanshin’s famous “long balloons” into the air. A large man in a mascot costume ran around hugging everyone.

Hanshin Tigers will have taken particular pleasure in beating Yomiuri Giants to win the title. The Tigers are based in the Kansai region, where folk generally despise the dominant Kanto region, which is basically the area around Tokyo. Giants fans are the prawn sandwich brigade of Japanese baseball, while Tigers fans are diehard fanatics.

ASIA NEWS

From a personals ad in Hong Kong. Highlight: "He should not totally mess everything up in the relationship." TUPNews' source reports that all HK girls are this demanding:

Please only respond if you are SERIOUS and SOLIDLY looking for marriage and want to give us a chance at starting something special and get together to have a commitment very soon. You have to meet my requirements if you are real and confident. PLEASE REMEMBER : I am looking for a potential husband for marriage. PLEASE NOTE : I am NOT interested in playing games and just waste of your time or mine either.
Send a RECENT pic with details ! We both will make decisions quickly because life is short; what have we been missing! We start from here.

This is all about your someone special :
*Asian, 30s, 5'5, 110 lbs, beautiful, classy sexy (can be upbeat) and attractive as some people said.
*Dress casual to dress up.
*Enjoy dance, music, movies, ...but not a big sport fans, outdoors, slow walking, beach, peaceful and clean places, fine dining out, a bit of fast driving, playing with kids and dogs, fresh flowers, writing poems and painting, shopping, cooking sometimes, quiet time, doing home stuff, international news. *Not into bar scenes very much(once in a while is ok).
*I don't smoke, drink socially (maybe just a couple glasses of beer or wine), no drug.
* I can relocate to be with this someone special once we have met in person. He should be ready come to see me sometime very soon. I don't mind getting married and living there / here / any parts of the world as long as I know he will love me and my family.
*I have the mixed accent-British/Asian/American...whatever..I speak English well, fluent Cantonese and others a bit. I am a fast learner.
* well-traveled, have good common sense.
* I am soft, weak and strong in some ways. I cried when I am sad.
* I care how a man looks but I don't suppose he has to wear the nice suits. This is my someone special :
* Looking for someone special for a serious and high-quality relationship who can be honest, responsible, mature, loyal, sincere, caring and upfront with me.
* Someone who MUST realize that his woman will bring good luck to him.

This is what a famous Chinese fortune teller said to me.
* Someone who is VERY single and normal, no ex- or other unusual relationships attached. He should not totally mess everything up in the relationship.
I don't want to have AIDS.
* Someone who can apend time with me during the weekends, holidays and my birthday. * Someone who is easy to talk to and someone is not complicated.
* Someone who is over 30s; I don't want to be with a man looks like my dad.
* Someone who holds a rather old fashioned way of looking at marriage where the man takes care of the woman and the woman takes care of the house and children. We can be with each other either in tough times and good times. He cares about me more than money.
* Someone who is not looking for a maid or business partner.
* Someone who is financially very stable and secure, and can afford the whole family and everything I NEED and WANT. He should be ready to devote his life to establishing and building a strong relationship leading to marriage and to having our own beautiful baby soon.
* Someone who is healthy and clean in good shape, not a drinker/smoker, no cigars or drugs.
* Someone has the good personality and know the table manner, he does not eat his fingers nails like a baby.
* Someone who appreciates a "stay-at-home woman" who can be valuable by being with him. I want to have 2 kids in the near future.
* I want to show someone what it means to have a loyal, caring, lovable, honest partner who will completely commit herself to her man.
* I have never been married and have no kids so I expect the same from a man.

Any takers?

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS

Peter Kay will host a new series of Bullseye in 2006, TUPNews can exclusively reveal.

UPDATE!

There is a show on the Discovery Channel tonight at 10pm called "The Deadliest Catch", about Alaskan crab fishermen.

SCIENCE NEWS

Isn’t it getting dark early these days? Yes, because we’ve just passed the autumn equinox, TUPNews can report. September 22 was the autumn equinox, the point at which, traditionally, day and night are the same length. I say traditionally because it’s not strictly true. These days the equinox is all about celestial geometry – the point at which the centre of the sun intersects the celestial equator (that is, the earth’s equator projected theoretically into space).

On the equinox, the day is in fact still longer than the night, because of the refraction of the sun’s rays through the earth’s atmosphere. Also, sunrise and sunset occur when the sun’s outer edge (trailing limb, to use the technical term) disappears under the horizon, rather than the point at which the centre of the sun intersects the horizon. This adds about two minutes of sunlight to the day. The point at which day and night are actually equal was in fact yesterday, September 25, TUPNews can reveal. In London, the sun rose at 5:51am and set at 5.51pm.

Isn’t it getting darker fast? Yes, to a certain extent, TUPNews can report. I was wondering just the other day whether the day gets shorter at a steady rate, or whether there is any parabola action involved that might see night make its biggest gains over a short period of time. It’s a little of both: from August on to mid-November, the amount of evening light falls a pretty steady rate of two minutes per day (so four minutes for the whole day if you count the lost morning light). From mid to late November, this falls sharply to a rate of one minute per day, before suddenly bottoming out in December. Between December 1 and 23, sunset stays within a four minute range (3.54pm-3.51pm for London). By late January, it’s back to a rate of 2 minutes more evening light a day.

I’ve focused on the loss of evening light, as I don’t consider the loss of morning light to be a real loss. Getting up while it’s still dark makes you feel like you’re going on holiday, which is great. Also my morning jog takes me down Landells Road in East Dulwich, which affords an excellent view of Canary Wharf. The Wharf is always fantastic, but seeing it still lit up first thing in the morning is sublime.

SPORTS NEWS

Cricket
One-day friendly – 18 overs
Barnes Cricket Club

Mortgage Select XI bt Incisive Risk XI by 72 runs

Mortgage Select
122-5

Incisive Risk
50 all out

Disappointment for the Incisive Risk XI in this intra-company grudge match. Risk won the toss and elected to field first, hoping that the near-torrential rain would make it impossible for the batsmen to hold their ground, and that the 4pm bar opening time would result in drunk Mortgage fielders during the Risk innings. However, the poor conditions hurt both sides equally, with poor visibility slowing the fielders and a sticky wicket preventing the fast bowlers from running in with confidence. Risk took a few early wickets, but with bowlers limited to two overs apiece, the Mortgage middle order then slogged Risk’s weaker bowlers all over the park.

Still, 122 looked like an achievable, if challenging target going into tea. Tea in fact consisted of beer, and Risk expected to face a sluggish outfield and tired, unfocused bowling arms. Furthermore, the weather had cleared, and the late afternoon sun was drying the crease.

The Mortgage team thrive on beer, however, and took to the field more aggressive and emboldened than before. The drink had relaxed them and loosened their tongues; compared to the genteel “bowled, Warney” approach of the Risk fielders, the Mortgage outfield subjected opposing batsmen to a torrent of sledging. Risk were depending heavily on their first three batsmen to do the lion’s share; when these fell for only twenty-odd runs, it seemed unlikely that the middle order would be able to keep up the required run rate of six-and-a-half per over. Batting fourth, TUPNews set the tone somewhat by ekeing out three runs over four overs before losing my off stump in a rash attempt to spoil a leg-spinner’s maiden. Apres moi, le deluge: a full-on batting collapse followed, with the final Risk wicket falling with seven overs still left to play. This did, at least, get us back into the bar quicker.

TUPNews:
Bowling: 1-7 from 2 overs – clean bowled with full toss to middle stump
Batting: 3 runs
Fielded at first slip, dropped sitter early on

BUSINESS NEWS

The Organisation of Petroleum Exporting Countries (Opec) recently agreed to pump crude oil at full capacity. This doesn’t happen very often. Usually, Opec members agree to produce less oil than they could, in order to keep the price up. But now they’re pumping as much as they can in order to help bring the price down.

So - if you find yourself at an Islington dinner party / the Dog and Bone in Kenilworth / a Treasury meeting and someone is blaming high UK petrol prices on Opec, TUPNews recommends you score knowledge points by insisting that Opec is doing everything it can and the real culprit is high fuel taxes (oil costs $67 a barrel, the government takes $180 in tax for every barrel’s worth of petrol) and under-investment in Western refinery capacity. You don’t even have to understand what the last bit means, it should shut them up and you will look the daddy.

ENTERTAINMENT NEWS

Former A Team star Mr T has ditched his bling gold chains as a mark of respect for the Hurricane Katrina victims. He said "The chains were an insult to God."

from the Sun

SPORTS NEWS

Football
La Liga (Spain)
Espanyol 1 – 0 Real Madrid

TUPNews watched this last night in the hope of seeing some Harlem Globetrotter-esque heroics from Robinho. The little man was unforthcoming; however I can report that David Beckham, captain of the England football team, played an absolute blinder. Some commentators have suggested he’s past it: not on the basis of last night’s performance.

TUPNews recommends that either Sofia Coppola or Wes Anderson make a film based on an aging footballer playing in a foreign country, living in a mansion with his faded popstar wife.

Football
Championship (England)
Derby 2 – 2 Southampton

Derby’s Senegalese midfielder Khalilou Fadiga, on loan from Bolton, played a blinder in this match. TUPNews can report that it’s amazing how many foreign players there are in the Championship.

Football
Premiership (England)
Liverpool 0 – 0 Manchester United

This was a good match despite the scoreline. Luis Garcia was shite for Liverpool. TUPNews hates the following Manchester United personnel: Roy Keane, Ruud van Nistelroy, Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney, Alan Smith, Alex Ferguson.

SPORTS NEWS

Within the last hour, TUPNews attended the Trafalgar Square Ashes celebrations. I can report that the drunkest player interviewed was Andrew Flintoff; the most visibly hungover was Michael Vaughan, and the best speech was Matthew Hoggard ("the whole country's gone cricket-mad, it's brilliant!")

Quote of the day comes from Flintoff, interviewed by the Evening Standard in the early hours of this morning, G&T in hand:

"I'm ugly, I'm overweight, but I'm happy. What's most exciting about winning the Ashes is it means I'll be awarded the freedom of Preston, my hometown. That means I can drive a flock of sheep through the town centre."

BUSINESS NEWS

TUPNews recently visited Oslo, the capital of Norway, to attend a conference for the Nordic power industry. Norway is basically an entire country made out of the Lake District, with Shoreditch as its capital city. Almost all Norwegian women are pregnant, for some reason. Beer is shockingly expensive, at around £6 per half-litre. Don’t worry reader! TUPNews put it all on expenses. I assumed this must be a reflection of higher Norwegian salaries, but the Osloites I spoke to told me no, it’s just ridiculously expensive because the government taxes the shit out of booze. I asked if this meant that they drank less, in the continental style, but apparently no, they still get utterly beasted, and they’re all broke all the time.

Over a really rather excellent Norwegian lunch at the SAS Radisson, fellow delegates told TUPNews of the latest forward market under development in Scandinavia. Fish forwards will allow the buyers and sellers of fish to fix the price of fish for future delivery in the Nordic region. Fish is a major staple of the Nordic diet, so it is in the interests of fish processors and marketers to mitigate the price risk of an unpredictable supply dynamic.

There are some details to be ironed out: for a start, it is far more difficult to find a standardised fish product – they come in different sizes, species etc. It’s a bit of a gamble for the fishermen, as well, selling fish that they haven’t yet caught. Break a net and you could find yourself shelling out big time on the spot market in order to meet your delivery contract. But my sources say the market could be up and running next year.

If London wants to maintain its reputation as the leading global hub of derivatives trading, Billingsgate Market should set up a fish futures exchange. Otherwise these Norwegians will leave us for dust.

SPORTS NEWS

The England cricket team recently defeated Australia in the Fourth Test of the Ashes series, bringing the series score to 2-1 with one Test remaining. In the same way that football enjoyed a popular renaissance following England’s successful run in the 1990 World Cup, cricket is now attracting legions of newfound fans, including TUPNews.

In the coming months, the readers of Britain’s broadsheet newspapers will be deluged with countless filler pieces written by paid-by-the-word professional journalists on the innate beauty of this wonderful game, most of which will be so trite and pompous as to actually put one off cricket altogether.

As a service to its readers, TUPNews presents below the only thing you need to read about cricket this year. The following paragraph taken from a poorly-translated cricket fundamentals website, and tells you everything you need to know about how to bat, and how to lead your life:

Batting really consits of playing one ball at a time. The batsman must learn to gear himself for playing each ball with all the concentration at his command. Concentration can be improved if enough hard work is done to build up a habit of mind. Attitude is vital. If you build yourself up to the right frame of mind there is nothing you cannot do. charcter plays a large part in this . Cricket is a game to be enjoyed. Cricket is much more because it is a game that can help shape your life. What you learn on the field will hold good for many things in life too. A Straight bat and a stout heart are bound to take you far. Confidence will come from doing things the right way as matter of habit. To gain that habit, pay attention to the basics.